It’s been so long since I’ve written I don’t know where to start. So many changes. The journey has been incredibly bumpy and for six years now, I’ve been in a state of self transformation. The journey started gradually, slowly, unsuspectingly until one day it hit me like only death can strike. The realization and confirmation of what was happening to me was the day a part of me had died. And when I get more into it, I’m sure that a huge majority of women out there will nod heads in agreeance.
Change. That very word, puts fear even if only fleeting like a soft breeze, into a person. How does a person evolve spirtually if a person does not learn how to deal with change appropriately? I personally, think its one of the many life lessons that humanity needs to master in order to evolve. For a long, long, time I fought against having to withdraw morphing into the next stage of life. Kicking and screaming, I bitterly lost the fight and I’ve been forced to into a cocoon. Humbled and with great embarrassment, I crawled back into some womb of darkness so I can sleep and regenerate. I’m still in that womb/cocoon and things are much calmer now. Hopefully soon, I will be ready to break free and fly away.
What am I referring to? Premature Peri-Menopause.
The very sound of it, brings about a great crisis. It brings great fear, embarrasement, dread and extreme emotional pain to a woman.
And from men it brings great negativity, dread, ridicule, rejection and possibly fear of the unknown.
Again that word: change.
One of the many tests of humanity that either makes or beaks us. Without change, we stagnate and die. I once read: “Change is the process that allows us to continue living”.
I really had to keep that in mind……alot.
Six years ago I started to feel raging, uncontrollable emotions and other discomforts within my body rolling over me in waves like tidal wave. I thought I was suffering from a suddenly developed mental and physical illness. I have always been an extremely sensitive person and my high intuition has never led me wrong. I “knew” I was experiencing peri-menopause but chose to be in complete denial about the possibility since I was only 37/38 years of age. Two years (later) filled of negative experiences (I will get into this later), finally forced me to research into my sufferings. My past experience working in an inspirational and wellness store brought up the memory of a book I once sold: “The Wisdom of Menopause” by Christiane Northrup, M.D.
That book literally saved me from being medicated up the wazoo and assisted me how to restore my mental, spiritual andd physical well-being.
Another book, “Mysteries of the Dark Moon” by Demetra George became another huge source of inspiration on a spiritual level for me. I could relate to almost everything she wrote in the book. Within this book, she introduces a lunar-based model and how it influences a woman’s life. She combines psychological, mythical/historical and spiritual perspectives on how a woman can reclaim and heal herself through the darkness and through the dark times (ie: Menstruation and the young woman, menstruation and the mature woman/mother and menopause).
If you can get beyond the word Goddess and read between the lines and digest the common sense out of the archetypical/mythology and history of this book, you will gain alot of valuable information. Your body will resonate with what is within this book. For the record, I am not a Goddess worshipper however, I am always open to finding knowledge within ancient mythology. One day, I will have to buy new copies of each book because I’ve marked the crap out of them already, lol.
A part of my healing process within my journey requires that I journal. It is necessary for me whilst I prepare for re-birth into the world to share with all women of my difficult experiences and how I have come to eventually embrace them all. I am resolved: I will continue to live my life to the fullness of my being.
To be continued.