Anywhere I’ve written about the Dark Goddess (Archetype) or Crone, it should be understood that I’m talking about peri/menopause.
When I first began experiencing peri-menopausal changes, it seemed that everything around me started to appear more vivid, more colourful and there was a heightened emotional connection to everything around me. Sounds wierd, I know. It occured to me that I could fully understand how my Autistic students “felt” within thier world. Sensory wise, it feels like my nervous system is in over-drive. Everything I read, there were reports how women when experiencing peri-menopause, experience huge emotional and sensory changes.
One day, as I was driving on my way to work, I had this over-whelming feeling of fearing death. The feeling was so intense, I was shocked to find tears running down my face. Memories suddenly surfaced of me standing next to my grandfather’s death-bed, watching him die from a lethal dose of morphine. It turned my body into ice due to intense fear. The reality of my own mortality suddently hit me like a ton of bricks. I remember my grandfather dying with incredible courage and calmness. He was very much aware of what was going on when he asked my mother, “how long will it take?” after the doctor administered the morphine. Visualizing myself in that situation only intensified the reality and fear that I was in no way prepared for death like I thought I was. I could not help but ponder that I have not investigated the nature of death enough. For weeks thereafter, I would have these intense feelings about death. The fear and confusion, led me straight into a depression.
I have read:
“Menopause is a time for confronting death while there is still time to live….Fear of natural menopause, fear of the (archetypical Crone), translates into a dread of death. And so society’s blackout of menopause and its rejection of older women are directly related to our fear and denial of death.”
- “Fear of death is basically fear of the unknown”
- “In the modern psyche fear of death is related to fear of change”
~ Demetra George, Mysteries of the Dark Moon
It is frightening how the subconscious and the body communicates to a person that a change is occuring within.
So. Menopause is a marker then, a ruler of time for women, indicating when it’s time to take charge of, or change thier lives. It is the proverbial slap in the face telling us not to forget our own needs and wants after years of marriage, child rearing and taking care of career. When menopause manifests, it is calling all women to themselves. This realization for me, helped snap me out of depression (along with the help of St. Johns Wort). Menopause even though the hormonal transition is difficult, in the end it makes us stronger cognitively. It helps all women to prepare for the second half of our lives. It is a time, when being authentic to yourself is begging to be heeded. So menopause has two faces: The cessation of the menses (the death of the first part of our lives) and the begginning of the last half of our lives (rebirth).
It is interesting. I think about the death card in the tarot. If the card comes up in a reading, a persons first emotion to feel, is fear when looking at the skeleton on the card. But when we calm down and put the fear aside, we realize that the death card is not what it appears to be.
The card in itself represents death and rebirth. It is the card of “change”. Angeles Arrien in her book “The Tarot Handbook, Practical Applications of Ancient Visual Symbols”, tells her readers that the card represents: “The Principle of Letting Go and Moving Forward. It is the card of Release and Detatchment”. She goes on to state:
“It is through letting go that we are able to give birth to new forms. Cutting through old binding patterns allows us to let go of the old and give birth to the new or unexpressed parts of ourselves. And,
The skeleton (on the card), is the inherent structure within our body that allows movement and change within our self-expression. The bones of who we are represents our ancestral lineage and our present commitment to grow and evolve through repeated death/rebirth experiences. This symbol facilitates the process of letting go and moving forward”.
Going through menopause is truly one of life’s test for all women. Can we? Will we be able to move forward with so much death around us? Our youth? Our relationships or marriages lost because of menopause? Our health and more? All these deaths cause us to grieve horribly for the old life that has been lost. I think meditating on the message of the death card at this time would be helpful.
“As the crone confronts the changes in her body and transformations in her lifestyle, she realizes that her old identity is indeed dying”.
“The (archetypical Dark Goddess) is the mistress of transformation, and she exists everywhere there is change. She absorbs the outworn in order to reshape it for rebirth. The (Dark Goddess archetype) within us demands that we discard all that is no longer necessary in our lives, our relationships, worldly possessions, and life structures that have fulfilled their purpose in our growth possession and development”.
“Change is the process that allows us to continue living. To not change is to stagnate and truly die”.
~ Demetra George
So. With all this, it is important for me to care for my body, mind and soul. It is important for me to listen to my body, mind and soul. It is important for me not to fear, for it would only hinder me from the necessary change of growth that would be responsible for my future happiness in life.
To be continued.
