"Autism & Memoirs of an Old Maid"…C'hele's Story

August 29, 2008

The Longing

Filed under: Poetry — C'hele @ 22:36

Only a smattering of memories from my childhood flash into my mind like a camera. My body moves accordingly when I’m told what to do but my mind is fossilized. Like a corpse raised from the dead, I find myself yet again a slave to this dismal existence. Grey thoughts and grey pictures cover over my soul like a blanket, smothering so many details of the past.

“You don’t remember much of your childhood do you?” I‘ve been asked.

No. Never wanted to.

Looking up into a clear, glittering, deep vault at night,

Sitting amidst a large field secreted by tall, hypnotic grasses,

Walking by the river’s edge allowing its movement to speak freely.

Feeling the earth’s very heart beat beneath my unshod den feet,

I allow the fragrance of the earth to intoxicate and soothe my Spirit.

Watching the clouds magically transform into messages meant just for me,

I cannot deny the deep connection I feel to the whole.

Only these memories and many like them, have the ability to lift a corner of the grey blanket and allow the kaleidoscope of hues to peek out. The longing I feel is too great so regretfully, I replace the heavy grey blanket back over my soul smothering the raging river of emotions like a dam.

My memory has improved as an adult but not without creating deep scars upon my mournful heart. The deep longing bears testament to a stranger standing outside in the cold, looking within at the once familiar yet vague recollections of more compassionate existence.

1 Comment »

  1. I find that I have been unsystematically purging myself of my childhood memories. I’m hoping my granddaughter will remember her childhood, even crazy Grandpa, with more nostalgia.

    Comment by modestypress — September 7, 2008 @ 20:52

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