"Autism & Memoirs of an Old Maid"…C'hele's Story

June 9, 2009

I’m Gone

Filed under: short stories — C'hele @ 04:54
I know I am gone. I know my family and friends are upset. I am upset 50%

because I wont get to see my family again and I never got to see my family again

and I never got a chance to say goodiey (goodbye) to my friends and family.

The outher (other) 50% why I am not sed (sad) is because I died in something I

love doing wiyle (while) I used to live on earth. I had a good life. My family

teatched (teached) and treated me well. My friends wher (were) nice and kind to

me. I had fun with my friends. I may be gone but I’m not lost. I will aksedently

(accidentally) touk (took) another path. You think I may be gone but I’m not.

Nomater (no matter) wher you go…nomater wher you are I will always be with

you right by your side every secone (second) of the rest of your life. In this note

is my one last chance to say goodbiey and have a good life. Don’t be sad or

afraid because I will be with you every step of your way looking down and

whatching you for as long and the rest of your life. Remember I didn’t die of

something or eneything (bad). I died in a place of something I loved doing.


P.s. Don’t be afraid to try eneything.


My daughter presented this short story/letter to me this afternoon after school.  It took everything in me not to show obvious panic.  Because my daughter’s autism enables her to articulate to me exactly what this was about (due to communication impairments) it took a long time to get out the real story.

For those unfamiliar with my daughter, she has been taking formal esquestrian horse back riding lessons for about five years now.  When I read this, excuse the language, I almost crapped.  After a half an hour, of trying to figure this out, I finally got a reason as to “why” she wrote something like this.  She thinks this is a “poem” by the way.  To my shock, Michaela has expressed to me that she wants to write a book.  A book about a girl like her, who’s friends played a prank on her over at a horse stable.  The prank, caused the horse to rear up and fall backwards, killing both the horse and the rider.  The horse broke its neck and the rider was crushed by being pinned by the horse.  Michaela’s idea was that the girl in the story somehow “knew” that the possibility of an accident occuring whilst horseback riding could happen at any time.  So, the girl thought that perhaps its a “good idea” that she write a letter to her family and friends telling them how much the riding meant to her and that she died loving what she was doing.  The letter of course, was secreted away until found after her death. 

I am stunned.  Looking down at the paper on which Michaela wrote, I did not notice the handwriting.  Its suddenly changed.  Her spelling has improved greatly.  I had NO idea she could clearly echo down on paper what was in her head.  I am shocked (and happy- sort of) to find what kind of an imagination she has. 

“This idea just popped into my head, I have no idea how it happened mom.”

I feel sick to my stomach.   




  1. It’s hard to know what to say. Your thoughts are veined with hope in so many ways, but also fear. The revelations your daughter disclosed show she is loving, her poem (yes, it is definitely a poem) tell me she has the bones of a writer. I think you have cause for quiet celebration. I am happy for you–and her.

    Comment by anhinga — June 9, 2009 @ 06:38

  2. Thank you for the explanatory note!! At first I read only the poem and knew it was Micheala’s and it shocked the hell out of me! Phew! Your daughter is something else, lady. Take a bow.

    Comment by Average Jane — June 9, 2009 @ 09:48

  3. Duuuuddee..this is incredible! This is such a profound thought. Your girl is way mature..and the last line just took my breathe away…

    Just beautiful..

    Comment by Childwoman — June 9, 2009 @ 14:40

  4. To everyone: You cant imagine my shock- I was really overwhelmed by this piece of work of hers. My supersticious nature got the best out of me though. Because she too, horseback rides. My uncle did something similar. All his early life he knew he wouldn’t live life past 33 years old and he always talked about it like a joke (but he was serious deep down inside). He always said that the way he would want to “go” was in one of his hot-rods. And he did. He died in his 1955 Ford Fairlane by a drunk driver one early Saturday morning when he was 30 years old. This is why this took me back. But, I am so proud of Michaela for how she wrote this- its so profound.

    I spoke to Michaela’s teacher yesterday over something different but told her about this letter/poem. The teacher told me that she started working on it in class with her. The class was supposed to be working on Math, but Michaela was so focused on this, the teacher didn’t want to stop her since Michaela needs to work on her writing/spelling/grammar skills. So she allowed her to write. I told the teacher how impressed I was to see the huge change in her writing skills and how profound and personal the poem/letter was. The teacher respected Michaela’s privacy and wished not to read it, but was extremely happy with my praise over it.

    Thank you for all the positive comments, I really appreciate it.

    Comment by C'hele — June 9, 2009 @ 17:19

  5. What an amazing piece of writing, for any child, let alone an autistic one. I’m glad the teacher allowed her to work on it during math time. Some things must be followed through, regardless of what else is supposed to be going on.

    I know you’re proud of her. I would be too. In fact, I am and I don’t even know her.

    Comment by Corina — June 15, 2009 @ 10:53

  6. I am too Corina. At first, I was frightened not knowing where she was going with regards to this piece of writing. But after her explanation, I was stunned. I offered to show her teacher but she declined- I wanted to show her how far Michaela has come and how all the work her team has done for Caela has manifested. The teacher, bless her, declined when I offered to show her as she wanted to honour Michaela’s privacy. Last week, the last week of school, Michaela asked her teacher if she wished to read it. After reading it, the teacher thought it was wonderful and really praised her.

    Right now, I am working really hard to keep Michaela’s self esteem up. Like so many artists, she feels that she is not good enough. This goes with her artwork. She is an amazing artist. We have plans this summer to paint acrylic on canvas and for fun, head for a popular beach in the lower mainland where she can offer them up for sale like a vendor in the popular tourist attraction places. I personally, cannot see why they wouldn’t sell- she paints so vividly. Its like all her artwork is alive. She’s intimidated and a bit hesitant about this venture but we’ll not focus on that part. The process of creation is more important.

    Hugs to you 🙂

    Comment by C'hele — June 16, 2009 @ 08:29

    • I would love to see her sell some of her artwork! I bet people would definitely buy it. You should post some of it so we can see!

      Comment by Corina — June 17, 2009 @ 10:59

  7. Yes, please think about posting some of your daughter’s art. I love children’s art and it seems your daughter has an artistic soul.

    Comment by anhinga — June 17, 2009 @ 18:45

  8. Truly amazing. And that teacher has a little corner in Heaven, I think, for being so sensitive and loving.

    Comment by davidrochester — June 22, 2009 @ 06:29

  9. I think so too David. I just found out this last Thursday (I think…I loose track of days lately with the end of school nearing!), that Michaela’s teacher is leaving the school. You cant imagine my disappointment!!!!

    Corina & Anhinga: I will! (If she lets me!) 🙂

    Comment by C'hele — June 22, 2009 @ 11:22

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