"Autism & Memoirs of an Old Maid"…C'hele's Story

April 15, 2010

45 Lesson for Life…..

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , — C'hele @ 05:51

This was written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio.

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else ..

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words, ‘In five years will this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone for everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come….

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.””


April 14, 2010


Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — C'hele @ 08:45

How do I return to the old self?
After all these years?
The previous place was dry, dirty and barren-
A place where beauty struggles to express itself.
It is cold there,
But not from environmental temperature.
There, I was a zombie-
I do what I’m told,
I’m told that I’m worthless,
And all I felt was emotional or physical pain.
You get used to it after a while,
You just pretend that your dead.
Here, I had a chance-
To be happy and to be free,
In this country full of colours.
Here, people had faith in me-
Always smiling until my frozen heart eventually melted.
It took a long time though.
I learned that here, women had choices
Women had expression and individuality,
And its especially alright for women to be intelligent.
I wanted so badly to wear make-up.
I made so many new friends where before,
I wasn’t allowed to have any.
And now, I have to go back.
I’ve been told that I’m now damaged goods-
That I’m useless.
Even dogs and horses are worth more than me now.
Back to the struggle.
Back to the extreme lonliness.
Back to physical and emotional pain.
Back to covering up my face.
Back to being ashamed of myself.
For what awaits me is a one way ticket to exile in hell,
While my family remains here in paradise.
Suicide seems like the only answer-
For scars such as mine should never be seen.
Only time will tell what I will eventually do.

(I will miss you dearly A)

April 10, 2010


Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , , — C'hele @ 08:10

I used to walk alongside sorrow,
The sorrow then turned into great pain.
Pain traded me off with fear.
For a long time, fear became my only companion,
Until it introduced me to anger.
Anger then decided to leave me
Then I bumped into resentment.
I soon found walking with resentment to be… exhausting
One day, Love crossed paths with me.
Love showed me that it was necessary to hold hands with all these shadows-
Without the dark,
How could we ever really appreciate the brilliance of light?
And exposure to pure light my friend, is like being….. reborn.


Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — C'hele @ 06:41

Give me this moment.

This very moment.

To truly be present in it-

Breathing freely without any pains at all.

Allow me to melt within these beautiful surroundings

And become one with it.

For even a second right here seems like a millenia.

If only, I could pass within this surreal world,

And step many steps while the sunshine kisses my face….

Only then will I be able to truly rejuvenate.

April 5, 2010

Life and Death

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — C'hele @ 03:19

It is amazing when a person is in tune with the energies around them. I don’t know if I am, however, I found it ironic yesterday when I came upon a newspaper article whilst waiting for my drink in a neighbourhood coffee shop. Looking down on a counter littered with a plethora of newspapers, I saw a removed section of the Vancouver Sun’s Weekend Review. There, in bold type were the words, “Is there life after bodily death?” Immediately picking it up, I took it over along with my soy chai tea to a near-by table and sat down. The article began with a story about a 20th-century, prominent philosopher and staunch athiest’s NDE (near death experience). To sum it up in a nutshell, he proposed that his 4 minute death and experience, was enough evidence for him that there is indeed consciousness after death. I don’t have to be a religious individual or a scholar in order to agree. I have always believed that consciousness or the soul, is immortal. The paper quoted from Socrates about his belief that death is really a change; a migration of the soul from this place to another. Again I agree. I have always believed that intitially, we return to one major source: pure energy. And I believe that this pure energy is pure love and pure light. And this is what I tell people is my religion. I have always believed that all consciousness is part of a Universal web and that anything that emits energy is inextricably connected. We are in the long run, one and the same. I don’t know if I am making any sense here. Simon Critchley who wrote the book, “The Book of Dead Philosophers”, stated exactly what I just recently wrote about here and believe. He states that: “real philosophy should be about learning how to die” and the paper comments that “paradoxically, that is the goal of living.” Our ultimate purpose as Critchley puts it, should be “cultivating the appropriate attitude to death.”
I couldent say it any better. And it is this attitude I believe, that makes mankind to be a more compassionate, open-minded and loving human being. I think to myself that we so easily disregard the important meanings of life and death and how they rely heavily upon each other. Misunderstanding the nature of death, I think, compromises our spiritual evolvement and misleads us into unhealthy living patterns here on Earth. Perhaps this is where karma and reincarnation comes in only to stop until we understand the love/hate relationship between life and death.

April 3, 2010

The Art of Dying Well

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — C'hele @ 11:13

Since last August I have been reflecting greatly, upon my grandfathers death. Since it was my first time to ever witness the death of a human being, I have nothing to really compare it to save for the stories of others. But I can say one thing- my grandfather died with dignity and a quiet courage and strength that I could only hope to accomplish when its my turn to give up the Ghost. I have always held a quiet and non-morbid fascination regarding the subject of death. Since I was hmnnn six years old or so. Perhaps because at a very young age I somehow understood the concept of reincarnation. I just diden’t know that it had a fomal name. I was an angry child who “innately” knew that I diden’t want to come back to this plane. I- just- diden’t- want- to- be- here. Plain and simple. Perhaps its because my intuition has always told me that somehow, it was important in life to learn the art on how to die well and to die without any attachments to anything here on this Earth. I have pondered over the years that perhaps the process of learning how to do this (to die well), is in itself a test. An initiation of some sorts that finally brings a soul to eternal peace and thus avoiding the process of reincarnating back here. Unless we choose to. The choice, from what I understand, is based on Buddhist dharma. The subject of death is one that I will be investigating in greater depth. Because I am human like everyone else, I have attachments and fears that I need to resolve yet. I can think of no greater test for any human being than learning “The Art of Dying.” So, this summer, my goal is to sign up and participate in a Hospice course. I am determined, to not only help myself learn about the subject of death on a more personal level, but to assist others who are in the process of dying who may have the same fear as I have.

I’m convinced, that grampa passed the test.


Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — C'hele @ 00:58

I’m content to just stare at you from afar-
I dont expect anything to happen.
All I want to do is fantasize…
About alot of good quality wine and one glorious night with your body.
I’m not fridgid.
I’m not clingy.
And I definitely don’t want chit-chat.
What I would expect……? Just in case?
Are hands that can work miracles,
A mouth that knows how to travel,
Rhythm that would make any Salsa dancer jealous,
And passion more explosive than an atomic bomb.
So if nothing is expected to happen,
Just let me have my moments will ya?

April 2, 2010


Filed under: Uncategorized — C'hele @ 07:57

Observe the flattened torus,
For it holds many mysteries.
To gaze upon its centre
Is to gaze upon some fantastical other world.
Many try to look deep within its centre
And make sense of its darkness
Only to end up fearing the unknown.
I say have courage-
For crossing the gateway
To advance deep inside,
Is to pass the test of time.
For deep, deep within,
Does the creative womb lie-
And this deep, dark cavern
Where the possibility of all things are born-
Is the place that only the
Great Mystery guardidly resides.


Filed under: Uncategorized — C'hele @ 06:18

how can i explain it……?
my heart instinctually trusts to believe.
the yearning is sometimes unbearable,
sometimes sedated.
the ears I have are willing to hear
and my eyes are willing to see…
my body wants so badly to move
like a flash of lightening-
but theres an energy holding me back
forcing me to take one slow agonizing step at a time.
when will time cease to be no more?
so i can meld myself within you?

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