Autism: C'hele's Story

March 15, 2017

Spring Break: day two, Musings

Filed under: Uncategorized — C'hele @ 01:36

So I am currently on spring break.  I am still getting up every day at four-thirty to get to my daughters university by seven. I sit in the cafeteria with a coffee and type.  I might go to the mall and buy a new book to read.  Right now I’m too comatose to even think straight.  Another large double-double will be coming!  It is 7:21 a.m. and I can hear Chef speaking to his class doing his lecture.  Men/boys (because they act more like boys as their behavior appears so primitive) are entering the building getting ready for their mechanic/electrical/carpentry classes.  It is a true trades building here.  In approximately fifteen minutes, the cafeteria will open for breakfast.  I look forward to seeing what’s on the breakfast menu. I’m not a fan of eggs so perhaps I will try something different.  I ponder how the day will pan out later on.  I have scheduled myself to meet a friend and perhaps we will go to the range and do some shooting.  I have never shot a gun before and if the weather turns out decent, I will have the opportunity to shoot a 20 gauge shotgun, a derringer, and a 45.  I am looking forward to it.  I hear it can be quite de-stressing, lol.  I think I need that as I was just recently separated from my common-law hubbie after nine years.  For good. I guess that’s what he gets for sucker punching me the face the asshole.  But it was good that it happened, it was my way out the door. Suffering from health problems, the medications (Oxy’s) mixed with cannabis I think, was starting to take its toile on his body.  The bruises I was receiving were starting to become regular.  It was unfortunate that I could not help him. I tried.  But I’m sure as hell not sticking around to become a punching bag for his stress related medical problems.  It extremely unfortunate what chronic pain can do to a person.  Anyhow, I confess, I am elated to be on my own again.  After two failed marriages, I think I’m not waiting for a “three-time and I’m struck out” situation.  To be fair, I tried. Really, really tried.  These negative experiences have educated me and have shown me who I really am.  No more will I pretend to be something I’m not or try to be like everyone else and have a “normal” life.  There is no such thing for “all” people. I was not meant to live with someone. I’m a true Finn and far too independent.  I like being alone. I’m comfortable being by myself and to do my own thing.  It sounds terrible, but I don’t like sharing my personal space unless I invite it.  However, my two failed relationships will not deter me from perusing a more meaningful relationship with a man.  But it might be difficult to find the kind of relationship I want.  I might have to find a Finnish man, who will truly understand me, lol.  The next time:  I will have my home, he will have his home. We will hopefully have a meaningful, committed union as boyfriend/girlfriend.  He comes over for sleep-over’s and I go over for sleep-over’s.  Then we go home to our own personal spaces but meet regularly to engage in fun activities.  I think it’s a great idea.  Neither one of us has to deal with money issues, living arrangements, who has to do what chores, lol.  Because I hate being told what to do. Or being bossed around. I admit it whole-heartedly.  So I think I need to find a man who is of Finnish decent.  Most Finnish men are mentally strong. A man, who is comfortable being in his own skin, embraces his solitude and nature/outdoors.  A blue-collared guy who is intelligent and can work with his hands.  But not too serious of course.  But, being a true Finn, he will not be overly-social and most like will avoid trying to meet people. Basically, I’m shit out of luck.  Unless I move to Finland where my chances increase only minimally.  Finn’s are slower to make friends and I being only half Finnish?  My Canadian side might put him in a social coma! (*grin*) and he will most likely run like hell the other way.  I am so like my very unique, Finnish grandmother: brazen, bold and only slightly spritely!  So, I will wait till the cows come home and enjoy my new-found solitude.

And continue these bloody long drives and mornings. On my spring break. When I should be celebrating my independence and go for a road trip to somewhere new.  I love doing that. But, my daughter comes first right now.

Shooting has been cancelled due to the pouring rain.  So, I go to my friends for coffee until my daughter is finished her day. And I ate eggs this morning, scrambled.

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